Public Urination is NOT a Victimless Crime...Unless You Have a Nice Penis.

I love New York. I really do. It's the city that never sleeps. It's one of the only places in the world you can get anything at anytime.

Why for example, just last night at 1 am, I couldn't sleep so I went out, got ice cream, did a load of laundry, got finger fucked by a tranny for a $20 and rented a movie from Blockbuster. Bet you can't do all that at 1 am in De Moines, Iowa now can you?

In a city of 8 million plus people, its a hectic place. Sometimes, you just have to tune shit out. Shit like: obnoxious cell phone users, annoying drunk Queens girls with bad 80s hair on the N train, the guy trying to sell you crack on the corner and even the bum who is jerking off on the platform next to you as you wait for the 6. During these times I find that an iPod or a book are good distractions. My point is, most things are easily ignored.

HOWEVER, there are two things that I will not tolerate where I have to live:

1. Amateur Asian photographers (See Ninja's blog for details).
2. Public Urination.

That's right. What the fuck is wrong with people? Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the discreet public piss--against the side of a car, behind some trees. I've popped a squat many times in desperate situations.

No, I mean pissing right in plain sight. Cock out in full view. And yes, it is usually men. I guess because its easier for them then for us ladies. Plus, guys have that whole thing about liking to piss in places other than the bathroom.

I've kept a running list in my head of how many guys I have seen pissing in public, and its well into the double digits.

The disturbing thing is, its not the bums that are doing this. They at least have the courtesy and class to carry around their empty Thunderbird wine bottle to piss in. It's regular guys. Some drunk Frat boy outside of a bar, a construction worker in Mid-Town and even a Dad with his son in the park.

I've watched as these guys have gone from smoking a cigarette with their buddies, having a coffee break and watching their kid play on the jungle gym to just whipping their dicks out and pissing wherever it may land.

The last straw was this past August. I was walking home from Vesuvio's bakery. I had just turned the corner to my street when I stepped in a puddle. It was summer. It wasn't raining. I was wearing sandals...You get the picture.

I looked to my right, and there he was. Some 40s mullet wearing fucker, zipping up. It was bad enough that I had just stepped, pretty much bare foot, into his piss puddle but to top it off, I caught a glimpse of his cock. It was not attractive.

So, I would like to formally ask all the men who piss in front of me on the street to knock it off. Please, go someplace a little more private.

Unless you have a nice cock. In which case, please, continue.*

(* NOTE: If you are not sure which category you fall under, attractive/unattractive cock, please post a picture and I will be glad to help you out.)