I Want to Have Filthy Animal Sex with Dr. Troy.

I don’t watch much of the idiot box. The only show I make a point to watch is Nip/Tuck. I have been following this show since its inception and it is, hands down, the best show on television today.

If there was ever another reason needed for anyone, anywhere to hate Americans, this show is it. It is everything that is wrong with American culture and society wrapped up neatly in a nice one hour bow each week. It is over the top, stupid, superficial, morally reprehensible, sexually gratuitous, godless, narcissistic, offensive, ridiculous, gory, self indulgent and vulgar. And I love every minute of it!

Plus, I am thoroughly convinced that Cock Ninja is the head writer.

Nip/Tuck is about two high profile plastic surgeons who run their own practice, McNamara/Troy, in Miami. Christian Troy (L) and Sean McNamara (R) met while studying to be surgeons and became friends. Their practice caters to all kinds of bizarre and superficial clients. So far, they have performed surgeries for convicts, 900 lb. women, conjoined twins, transsexuals, strippers, burn victims and midgets, to name a few.

Sean McNamara. Sean is married to Julia who was a classmate from school. They seperated when Sean found out that their son, Matt, was actually Christian's. They recently reunited and had another child together, a son Conor, who was born with lobster claw syndrome. Last year a serial killer, known as The Carver, was attacking women and slicing their faces. The survivors went McNamara/Troy to have their faces restored. When The Carver learned of this he attacked Sean in his home, slicing his face.



Christian Troy. Christian is a womanizing, narcissistic, deviant, sex addicted man (who I masturbate to regularly). He was a product of rape and was given up for adoption as a baby. Christian slept with Sean’s fiancée, Julia, just before their wedding which resulted in her being pregnant with his child. Christian was also a victim of The Carver, but he not only had his face sliced, but was also drugged and ass raped. Kimber Henry is his on-again/off-again girlfriend who he finally proposes marriage to, only to be left at the alter. This season Christian starts to question his sexuality and begins humping men.

Julia McNamara. Julia is Sean’s wife. They met in school where she was also studying to be a surgeon but gave it up to marry Sean and have a family. Right before she was to marry Sean, she and Christian slept together. Nine months later she gave birth to her and Sean’s first child, Matt—who later turns out to be Christian’s. She runs a recovery spa named De La Mer. For a while at the spa she sold an anti-aging cream made from semen.



Matt McNamara. After learning that Christian is his father and that his
whole life has been a lie, Matt becomes extremely troubled. He has since run over a classmate, beat up a gay who hit on him and also beat up the racist father of an ex-girlfriend. He had an affair with his parent’s life coach, Ava Moore, who turned out to be a post-op transexual. This season he is screwing Chrisitan’s (his biological father) ex-fiancee, Kimber.

Conor McNamara a.k.a. Lobster Boy. This isn’t actually Conor, but I couldn’t find a picture of him. Conor is Julia and Sean’s new baby boy. He was born with lobster claws and last week Julia was freaking out at the idea of having to breast feed him, because the thought of his creepy little hands touching her tits grossed her out. She now wishes she had an abortion.





Liz Cruz. Liz is the anesthesiologist for McNamara/Troy. She is a dyke. Last week she was drugged and had one of her kidneys stolen after going home with a beautiful woman she met at a bar.





Kimber Henry. Kimber is Christian's ex-fiancee, who is a former porno actress and cocaine addict. She later produces porno films. She is obsessed with looking good and has had a ton of surgeries. Christian once attempted to “trade” Kimber to another man for his sport’s car. Christian thought she stood him up at the alter, but really she was kidnapped by The Carver. The Carver held her hostage and sliced up her face. He also cut her breast implants out and mailed them to Christian. Kimber is now a Scientologist and is screwing Matt, Christian’s biological son.

Gina Russo. Gina is an HIV infested bitch who is always looking to make a fast buck. She claimed that she had Christian’s child and demanded he support her. He later found out she was lying, since the baby was half black. Gina never calls Christian by his name, instead she refers to him as “asshole.” She weaseled her way into being co-owner of De La Mer with Julia. Gina was also attacked by The Carver.

Escobar Gallardo. Escobar is a killer and a drug dealer from South America. He blackmailed Christian and Sean into giving him a new face so that he could avoid jail and start a new life. They gave him the face of another wanted killer so that he was arrested as that criminal at the airport upon trying to flee the country. Sean sometimes has dreams about Escobar instructing him to do evil deeds.


Ava Moore. Ava is Julia and Sean’s life coach, who seduces their son Matt. Ava is a transexual who was married to a surgeon who performed the operations for her, but who she divoced before the final surgery was complete. Chrisitan agrees to make her a woman if she ends her relationship with Matt.


Adrian Moore. Adrian is Ava’s step-son, with whom she has sex with. He also tries to seduce Matt by asking him to masturabate in front of him. Adrian is a sociopath and he eventually tries to kill Ava. He ends up killing himself instead in their house in front of Ava. She then flees the country, leaving his dead body to rot and later be discovereed by Matt.




Quentin Costa/ The Carver. Quentin was revealed last season as The Carver. Quentin was called into McNamara/Troy to help with surgeries after Sean was attacked by The Carver (him). Although he had a brief affair with Julia during her seperation from Sean (which they never consumated) and flaunts his bisexuality, it is revealed that he was actually born with no genitals. This is the result of his parent’s being siblings. Quentin even sliced his own face up in one episode so that he wouldn’t appear to be a suspect. He is eventaully “killed” by Detective McGraw, who turns out to be he sister.

Kit McGraw. Kit is the Detective brought in to hunt down The Carver. Kit tried to pin the crimes on Christian, but while he was being held for questioning, she fell victim to The Carver herself, thus proving Christian’s innocence. Kit and Quentin/The Carver are a brother and sister act and it was planned all along that Kit would pretend to kill him before they fled to Europe to continue their crime spree. The pair also have an incestuous relationship. Kit knew all along Christian wasn’t The Carver but she arrested him because she was pissed off that he and Kimber wouldn’t have a three-way with her.

Mr. Sawyer. Mr. Sawyer is a midget that Julia wants to hire as the baby nurse. I'm not sure if he is really relevant yet, but I just wanted to include a picture of a midget to go with lobster boy.

Shari Noble. That's right, little Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prarie makes a guest appearence. She plays Shari Noble a woman who comes in for surgery after her dog bites her nipple off. Why would her dog bite her nipple off, you ask? Well, Shari's husband is in the Army and stationed in Iraq. She gets lonely. She has needs and a jar of peanut butter...you get the idea. When her husband finds out what she's been doing with the dog, he kills it and brings it to McNamara/Troy and dumps it on her bed there.

There you have it. If you have not seen the show, I recommend you start wathcing it immediately. If nothing above interests you, you are clearly boring and a commie and I don’t want talk to you.