The Bachelor: Halloween Edition

Ok Ladies, the Holiday is fast approaching and some of you may be finding yourselves dateless for the evening. If so, don’t fret! I have found a few very special men still available for Halloween night, but if you are interested, act fast because these gems won’t be on the market for long…


Dr. Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter. Nicknames on a man are so sexy! Dr. Lecter is a real catch. He’s smart, sexy, a talented artist, scholar of classical music, avid book reader and wine connoisseur. His favorite meal is liver with fava beans and a Chianti wine. He loves to nibble on his partners tongue while kissing. And, lets not forget, he’s a Doctor—every girls fantasy!


Leatherface. At 6 foot 4 this is one tall drink of water. Leatherface is the ideal man for the 21st Century. He’s great with a chainsaw, but he is also very domestic. He loves to cook, especially barbeque and chili. Leatherface has a top of the line, restaurant quality kitchen in his home, complete with meat hooks and chest freezers. Plus, he has a bunch of realistic masks, so if you aren’t sure what to dress up as for Halloween, I’m sure he’d let you borrow one for the night.




Freddy Krueger. Freddy is a divorcee who isn’t fond of children. But don’t let that discourage you ladies, he has many great qualities. A man with style, Freddy can often be seen wandering around town in his Fedora hat. And just look at those long, lean fingers—imagine what that hand can do for you in the bedroom!





Reverend Henry Kane. Rev. Kane, though an older gentleman, is still very sexy and youthful. There is nothing hotter than a man dressed in black—very sophisticated. Rev. Kane likes to serenade his ladies with Holy verse, such as “God is in his Holy Temple…” Who doesn’t love a man of God?


Jason Voorhees. If you love hockey, this is the man for you! Jason loves the sport so much it’s hard to get him to take off his hockey mask. Jason is a man of few words, but has much to offer. His favorite pastime is camping and just hanging out in the woods. Jason isn’t the greatest swimmer, but maybe you could teach him!




Michael Myers. Michael can often be seen wearing his favorite blue coveralls and black army boots. He is a shy man who struggled with self esteem issues while growing up. But don’t worry, he has since sought treatment at a psychological facility. Family is important to Michael, he lost touch with his sister for many years, but has since been reunited with her.



Charles Lee Ray. Charles, better known to his friends as “Chucky”, is simply a doll! (yeah I know, that was bad, but I couldn’t help myself.) Chucky loves spending time with the children. A kid at heart, he can often be seen hanging out at toy stores.




Norman Bates. Norman is a hotel owner who has some mother issues and is looking for a nice girl to help him work through those. He enjoys dressing up and taking on different personalities. He also practices taxidermy.





Jack Torrance. Although Jack has had some alcohol problems in the past, he has since sworn off the substance. He is looking to start his life over and is pursuing a writing career. Jack is looking for a special lady to accompany him on a mini break to the Overlook Hotel in Colorado, for rest and relaxation.




C.H.U.D. If you are looking to spend the night in the big city, then this is the man for you! A date with C.H.U.D. means experiencing the city as only he knows it.





James Gumb. James, known to many as “Buffalo Bill”, is incredibly in touch with his feminine side. James has a toy poodle named Precious, who he loves dearly. Ladies, are you carrying around a few extra pounds? If so, you are a perfect match for James. He prefers his women to be a size 10-14. If you are into kinky love making, this is the man for you—James loves to dress up in his ladies lingerie and heels. James loves the touch of female skin and insists that his women use lotion regularly to keep that youthful glow. Just remember to put the fucking lotion in the basket when you are done.