Dear PETA...

Dear PETA,

I am writing you let you know that I am doing my part to protect the turkeys this Thanksgiving.

I went to my local gro'cho store and adopted a turkey named Perdue. I think she is French, but I'm not sure. Anyway, while I was there I decided to adopt a few lobsters too.


I know lobsters aren't very 'Thanksgiving-y', but they have rights too! You should really consider a "Save the Lobsters" campagin, you know? I mean, yeah, lobsters aren't very cute and cuddley, but they are people too and just because they look different doesn't mean they don't count. Something to think about.

But I digress.

When I got Perdue home I noticed she was looking a little pale, so I stuck her in the oven, which is really just a 'tanning salon' for turkeys.


She spent 4 hours in the 'salon' at 325 degrees. It worked. When she was done with her session, she had a nice golden tan.




Also, my lobsters smelled a little fishy. I tell you, it is really a crime how they treat the animals in the gro'cho store--pale turkeys and smelly lobsters? You should really do something about that too, protest or something.

Anyway, I prepared a hot bath for the lobsters and scrubed them clean. Boy, did they hate that! They were screaming the entire time, it reminded me of a little kid throwing a tantrum when its 'bath time.'

As you can see, both the turkey and the lobsters are looking much healthier since I have adopted them.



The only thing is, they aren't very responsive, they just sort of sit there. I don't think they make very good pets. I am considering letting the pack of wild Indians next door adopt them.


They look like a friendly bunch, don't they? I think it would really make their celebration of Thanksgiving special.


Sincerely,

A. Beaverhausen