His & Her.
I received this from a friend in an email today:
BLOW JOB ETIQUETTE, BY A WOMAN:
1. We are not obligated to do it.
2. I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
3. No I don't have to swallow.
4. My ears are not handles.
5. Do not push on the top of my head. Do you really want puke on your dick?!
6. I don't care how relaxed you get it is never OK to fart.
7. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week."
8. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
9. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
10. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to ask about the origins of our talent.
11. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
12. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
13. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
14. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
A MAN’S REBUTTAL:
1. Yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. If you swallow then you won’t have to worry about getting cum on your face, now will you?
3. Swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. You want to talk about farting? Does the word QUEEF mean anything to you?
6. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.
7. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
8. Play with the balls.
9. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
10. Caress the ass, too. We like that.
11. Take advantage of it being "wide awake" in the morning now, because when you get old and fat and you’re looking for some action, we guarantee it'll be "sound asleep".
BLOW JOB ETIQUETTE, BY A WOMAN:
1. We are not obligated to do it.
2. I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
3. No I don't have to swallow.
4. My ears are not handles.
5. Do not push on the top of my head. Do you really want puke on your dick?!
6. I don't care how relaxed you get it is never OK to fart.
7. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week."
8. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
9. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
10. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to ask about the origins of our talent.
11. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
12. No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
13. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blowjobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
14. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
A MAN’S REBUTTAL:
1. Yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
2. If you swallow then you won’t have to worry about getting cum on your face, now will you?
3. Swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. You want to talk about farting? Does the word QUEEF mean anything to you?
6. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.
7. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
8. Play with the balls.
9. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
10. Caress the ass, too. We like that.
11. Take advantage of it being "wide awake" in the morning now, because when you get old and fat and you’re looking for some action, we guarantee it'll be "sound asleep".
posted by Anastasia Beaverhausen at 8:02 PM
16 Comments:
Apache--I don't agree with it all either: I like my hair pulled, I like to swallow, I like getting a load shot on my face every now and again, I like it in the morning and hummer week is ok by me....
Then why did you post this, woman? I gotta wonder...
Asshat--Cos its my blog and I can do what I want!
Don't anger me...I've been thru enough this week, what with having no tea and all...
(And I don't have the time to write anything original cos I'm staring at law bullshit for a test tomorrow.)
Fair enough. ;-P
Good luck on the exam! It's gotta be a bitch!
Prude.
Beav, to answer your question (on your last thread) about me making my own blog...
Not only no... but FUCK NO!!!
Wally--so what you are saying is 'maybe'?...
It's all give and take baby. I'll suck you off, therefore you will spend equal time laying tongue to the little one in the pink canoe. Suck it, baby. Give and take, even steven, yin and yang.....
THIS IS GOING ON ALL YOUR BLOGS. I'M FED UP WITH IT.
I just tried to post this comment on Apaches "Bondage Barbie" thread:
"Apache, if you don't feel right calling InstantAsshat, Asshat, try calling her, InstantAss. It kind of rolls of the tongue.
As far as "loverboy" calling you "his angel", that sounds like sexual harassment to me. AnaBeav, does she have a case?
Ferret, I was on "the last chopper out of 'Nam". It wasn't all it's cracked up to be."
I click 'Login and Publish', three times, each time this window appears.
"The operation timed out when attempting to contact www.blogger.com"
We have 10 sites in our "group" that I visit.
I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME TO WASTE TO WAIT ON SOME STUPID BULLSHIT WINDOW TO TELL ME MY "OPERATION TIMED OUT" OR WHATEVER TO PROBLEM AT THE MOMENT IS.
I don't know how you type, but I 'hunt & peck' with the index finger of my left-hand. It takes me long enough to complete a post without having Blogspot, NOT ALLOW MY POST TO GO THROUGH INSTANTLY, so I can go on to the next blog site and write something witty and so on.
I've decided I'm not going to log on to a Blogger.com site for a week or so, (Ninja, Beav, this time I mean it) to if anything, get my sanity back. I'm deleting all of your bookmarks / favorites from my computer so as not to be tempted. I will be on Yeeeah! and the Fish. They're not affiliated with my arch enemy "BLOGSUCK.com"
Zanna, sorry love, I won't be visitng Spank Cheeks either. That's actually were this rage started today (25 Oct). It's not "your" fault. It's been festering for awhile and today it finally popped.
Those of you who have my e-mail address. please continue writing, I need those. This comment took me probably 45 minutes to compose due to my lameass typing skills. I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO WRITE IT AT ALL, IF THOSE COCKSUCKING, MONEYGRUBBING, QUEERS at BLOGSUCK .COM, WOULD MAKE THEIR SHIT WORK RIGHT.
As Trapper John Macintyre said to Hawkeye Pierce as he was leaving Korea because he thought he had an ulcer, "I'll see ya in the funny papers."
This is not directed at anyone of you personally. It's an issue I have with Blogger.com.
"I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft" (Jim Morrison),
Walrus Gumboot
I know this "friend" who likes a guy to smoke while "she's" blowing him, turns "her" on something fierce... Does this make me, I mean her, a sicko?
Pinks--Its no more sick then my "friend" who likes the guy to gentley hit "her" in the face with his cock....I like to call that 'mushroom prints' in the face........I mean, "she", "she" likes to call it that.
tsk tsk. You are all sick, sick human beings. All this talk about blow-jobs, penii, clits and so forth. Just sick. I mean, when I was sucking my hubby's dick last night, I had no intention of blabbing about it today. And when I came all over his face, I truly wasn't thinking about bloggin it. I mean, how nasty are you guys? Jeez.
Jane, there's something about reading your words of sexual adventure while they sit next to a picture of Lady Jane grey that makes me think of Cary Elwes....yum.
That is fucking hilarious! I am sooo stealing that!
Here is my game plan: I try to give about 3 minutes of tongue time for every 1 minute of throat time I get. I don't keep an exact count, but I think it is understood that when I am going downtown, I plan to be there a while, so pack a lunch and charge up your i-pod.
Remember to clean up after you trim your beaver...jesus there's pelt everywhere.
beavers
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